


Bittersweet

by CorvusCorvidae



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-03
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 10:52:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6151230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CorvusCorvidae/pseuds/CorvusCorvidae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa and Raven have one thing in common; they both wished their tattoo said someone else's name. </p>
<p>Prompt: Commander Mechanic soulmates tattoo first meeting</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet

Lexa wasn’t a huge fan of the soul mate tattoos, and for all the research that had gone into working them out and learning about them, nothing could be done to stop the name of your ‘soul mate’ appearing.

She’d fallen in love with Costia at fourteen, a girl in her year, and then best friend, and then girlfriend. They had their life set; graduate high school, both accepted to the same university, graduate there, get a place together, get married and have their happily ever after.

Tattoos always appeared on one’s eighteenth birthday, and on Lexa’s, who was three months older than Costia, they spent the night curled up in Lexa’s bed, waiting for it to appear, waiting so eager.

How goddamn foolish.

Sometime around two in the morning, black ink started to appear on Lexa’s arm, almost in the crook of her elbow, and it was with rapt attention that they both watched the letters form.  

Only, it wasn’t Costia’s name that appeared.

_Raven_

“Who’s Raven?” Costia asked, looking hurt, looking at Lexa like she’d betrayed her.

“I don’t know,” she replied, honestly, as confused and hurt by this strangers name on her arm, claiming her, ruining what she had.

They tried to brush it off, they tried to ignore another girl’s name on Lexa’s arm, but one month later, Costia had enough. She was terrified of bumping into someone called Raven, terrified of being the stepping stone, terrified that her tattoo was going to read Lexa. So she broke it off. She broke all their plans, all their hopes and dreams together, and come graduation, two weeks before her birthday, she gave Lexa a small parting smile, and left.

There was no goodbye, there was no good luck, there was nothing.

All because _Raven_ appeared where Costia should have.

That was a bitter pill to swallow, and Lexa did what she could to focus on her future, and not the heartbreak of losing the love of her life all because of one stupid tattoo.

After that, it was easy to do her best to ignore it. Ignore the name that changed her life. Ignore the ink. Ignore all the hype and news surrounding the miracle that was these damn tattoos.

Lexa invested in a great concealer, covering the tattoo, and when people asked, she said it was on her back, hidden from view.

It was a good way of ignoring Raven. Ignoring whoever the hell she was and all that she’d done, without having even met her.

Lexa was happy to live in that bubble, go to classes, study, hang out with her friends, and pretend that Raven didn’t exist.

*0*0*

In Lexa’s third year, it was hard to ignore just who Raven was. Lexa no longer had that luxury. She finally put the face to the name, because Lexa knew, she knew the second she met her, exactly who she was.

Anya had inadvertently been mentioning her for weeks. Reyes thinks she’s incapable of fucking up. Reyes’ cocky grin is the most infuriating thing about this class. Reyes looked like she hadn’t slept all week and still aced that presentation. Reyes this and Reyes that, and Reyes.

As much as Anya complained, they’d become friends. They hung out. They were becoming as close as Lexa was to Anya, so it was strange how they hadn’t met yet. But Lexa knew all that was going to change.

“I think you’d like her,” Anya had mused one day, her steps falling into place, matching Lexa’s stride, as they went on their afternoon jog. Anya’s girlfriend, Octavia, was up ahead, kicking their asses, but that was only going to last so long.

“Who?” Lexa asked, panting slightly, knowing that she needed to work on her stamina.

“Reyes. You’d like her.” Anya left it at that, but Lexa could already see the wheels in motion, her plan formulating.

So it was no surprise when Lexa was invited over to hang out, have some food, some drinks, on a particularly slow weekend.

_[Anya]: Others will be there, you won’t be the third wheel_

That had been Anya’s way of trying to convince her to come, and with it, Lexa suspected just who might be there. But, given it had been so long since Costia, and those girls during freshman week didn’t count, why not go? Why not go and see what happened?

Following her routine, Lexa covered _Raven_ with concealer, and even wore a long sleeved shirt so it wouldn’t possibly be seen. When trying to hook up with someone, it was best not to remind them they were only going to be temporary. She felt hopeful.

Maybe she could still live her life, and not have that goddamn tattoo ruin everything all over again.

Arriving at Anya’s, Lexa was buzzed up, and Octavia was waiting at the door for her.

“Glad you could make it,” she grinned, pulling Lexa into a hug.

“Thanks for the invite,” Lexa replied, before handing over the bottle of booze she’d found in her kitchen cupboard. It was the only unopened one, and hell, it was free alcohol, Anya couldn't complain.

“Anya’s in the living room, you should go on through,” Octavia said, thanking Lexa for the bottle, and saying how the food had just arrived a few minutes before her, and she was getting it ready.

Heading inside, hanging her coat up in the hall, and then moving behind O, Lexa noted one thing; the surprising lack of people.

When Anya’s text had said others, what she obviously meant one other person in particular.   Lexa should have known better.

However, that was why she was there. Anya’s talk about how great and infuriating Reyes was had left a lasting impression, and Lexa was curious. The fact that Anya had openly said she thought Lexa would like her, that made her even more curious. So maybe it was a good thing that it was only going to be the four of them. Maybe it was the best possible outcome.

Standing in the living room doorway, Lexa took a moment to herself and then eyed the two people on the couch. One, Anya, was moaning about something, and the other, Reyes, Lexa presumed, was nodding and laughing along with her.

The second Lexa’s eyes fell on her was the second she knew. This, this was her _Raven_. It was like being struck by lightning. Shockwaves throughout her system, nerves burning inside out, and Lexa took a deep breath.

She was nothing like Lexa had imagined. But what had she imagined exactly? Someone easy to hate. Someone easy to blame. Someone unknown. Some stranger.

“Lex,finally, I thought you were bailing on me,” Anya called, catching sight of her.

Lexa had no excuse to remain in the doorway, and feeling Raven’s gaze on her, she moved closer, watching as the two of them stood up.

“This is Raven,” Anya grinned, looking far too pleased with herself for this introduction, and completely unaware of Lexa’s internal meltdown. “Raven, this is Lexa.”

There was a moment of pause, as they both looked each other over, accepting reality for what it was, before Lexa came to her senses.

“Hi, Raven.” Saying her name, saying it aloud, was nothing new. Lexa had done it hundreds of times before, but this time was so different. This time she was there, right there in front of her.

“Hi, Lexa,” Raven replied, nodding slightly, an undercurrent of tension in the air.

“Do you two know each other?” Anya asked, grin gone, now suspicious. Octavia had even stopped what she was doing to look on, sensing the change in the room.

“No,” they both replied, at the same time.

“No,” Lexa repeated, shaking her head. “I have no idea who Raven is.”

“Never met Lexa before in my life,” Raven said, their answers adding further confusion to the mix.

“O, do you want a hand?” Raven asked, turning away, her back now to Lexa, and that was message enough.

Octavia looked a little shocked at the change, but nodded and smiled anyway, shooting Anya a ‘what the fuck?’ look behind Raven’s back, but hospitable all the same. Lexa watched Raven walk away, her hand tightening on the neck of the beer bottle as she did so, and she took a shaky breath.

She’d never prepared for meeting her ‘soulmate’. She’d never thought about it. Lexa had every intention of avoiding them, ignoring them, not coming face to face with them. So this, this was, this was too much, this was everything she couldn’t-

“What the fuck is going on?” Anya practically growled, standing closer, so they weren’t overheard.

“Leave it,” Lexa said, shaking her head, trying to ignore how her heart was racing.

“No, seriously-”

“Anya,” Lexa said, defeated, and that was enough to have her stopping. “Leave it.”

Anya listened, pausing, and pursed her lips. She obviously wasn’t happy, but c’est la vie.

“Okay, but if you want me to kick her ass, we might need a change of plan. She has a prosthetic leg, and I’m not beating up-” Lexa tuned out at that. She didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to know anything about Raven.

Raven didn’t exist. Raven did not exist.

Raven was the person that pushed a wedge between her and Costia. Raven was the reason Costia walked away. Raven was the reason Lexa ended up alone.

And hell, from the looks of things, from the way Raven had reacted, it didn’t seem like she was too pleased to see Lexa, either.

What a great fucking pair they made; soulmates, for sure!

*0*0*

Anya and Octavia were in the kitchen, cleaning up the plates and sorting through the food containers, which shouldn’t have taken that long, but Lexa suspected they were stalling.

Dinner had been tense, but bearable, sticking to easy topics, with Anya and Octavia keeping most of the conversation going. It was like pulling teeth. And thankfully, the night was almost over.

Yet, the two of them had slipped away, and they were definitely giving Lexa and Raven time alone, time neither of them wanted.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” Raven asked, although didn’t look like she wanted to hear the answer.

“You tell me, what does your tattoo say?” Lexa replied, shrugging, her voice tired, her heart aching for the girl that walked away from her all those years ago.

Raven had on a long sleeved top, and made quick work of rolling up the sleeve on her right arm, revealing a mess of black ink that somehow still managed to say her name. Lexa’s eyes couldn’t look away, fixated on her skin, and she frowned, her mouth opening, ready to ask, but Raven beat her to it.

“I tried to have it removed,” Raven murmured, shaking her head, and for some reason, even the thought of Raven rejecting her, rejecting her very name, before she’d even know Lexa, stung.

Okay, so Lexa hadn’t been pleased to see Raven’s name, but she hadn’t tried to get rid of any connection to her. She might have hid the tattoo, but it was still a part of her, a part she hated, but one she kept all the same.

“I wanted someone else’s name...I needed it to be someone else’s,” Raven went on to say, her fingers caressing the lines of the ink, following the ‘L’ into the ‘E’ and onwards. “But it wouldn’t come off.”

No, that much was obvious. The ink had bled from whatever she’d tried to do to get rid of it, with it running downwards, towards her wrist, like it had been a vein itself, and the ink couldn’t stop, wouldn’t clot.

“Where’s yours?” Raven then asked, and Lexa ducked her head as she rolled up her own sleeve.

Their tattoos were in the exact same place, as was usual, but when Raven saw the blank skin, she blanched.

“How did you get rid of it?” she asked, quickly, sounding alarmed, curious, and Lexa shook her head.

“I didn’t.” Reaching over, grabbing a tissue from the box lying on the coffee table, Lexa started to wipe at her skin, and gradually the makeup came off.

“Smart,” Raven muttered, but sounding disheartened all the same. “So I take it you had someone, too?”

“Costia,” Lexa replied, earning a hum in response.

“Finn,” Raven chipped in. “I managed to hide mine for a few weeks, until his birthday, but then his read...his read someone else and that was it.”

“I don’t know what hers said.” Saying those words made Lexa grimace, because she was still so hurt about that. What if Costia’s had said Lexa, too? They still could have made it work. And maybe then, Lexa would never have met Raven. “She didn’t stick around for me to find out.”

“So, we both ruined each other’s relationships,” Raven mused.

“Yeah,” Lexa agreed, nodding, arms crossed, sunk into the couch, a heaviness settling over her.

“Well, as soulmates go, you’re a shitty one so far.” That made Lexa crack a smile, but she agreed.

“Feeling’s mutual.”

Octavia came back in after that, having taken Lexa’s smile as a good sign. Lapse of judgement there. But still, another round of drinks were had, before Lexa called it a night. Raven followed, and they headed out together.

“Look after yourself, Lexa,” Raven said, once on the sidewalk, having managed to hail a cab so quickly. “I can’t imagine I’ll be seeing you again.”

“You too, Raven,” Lexa replied, seeing her off, and secure in the knowledge that no, she wasn’t going to see Raven again.

She didn’t want to. She wanted to forget all about Raven. And clearly, Raven wanted the same of her.

For many, meeting their soulmate was love at first sight, full devotion and adoration right from the get go. For Lexa, for Raven, it was nothing like that. They were coming face to face with the person that ruined their life.

There was no love, whatsoever, only bitterness.

*0*0*

Lexa stopped putting concealer on her arm. Stopped hiding Raven’s name. Stopped altogether where her soulmate was concerned. Now that she’d met Raven, there was nothing to worry about.

It was clear they had both agreed to go on with their lives, separately, and ignore the ink on their arms; and Lexa was happy with that.

Eventually, she’d maybe find someone, who had lost their soulmate, who didn’t care about their soulmate, who wanted to warm her bed, and share their time with her. Until then, Lexa was content to go on like there was no tattoo at all.

Months easily passed by without seeing Raven again. Lexa may have heard about her from Anya, but that sort of slowed when Anya caught sight of Lexa’s arm. No questions were asked, just a comforting pat on the back, and they moved on. Which made her so sure that she was never going to see Raven again.

They didn’t hang out at the same places. Although they had one friend in common, they didn’t socialise as a group. It was easy to forget she even existed.

Only, when Lexa was leaving The Dropship, leaving Anya and Octavia inside to continue drinking, she caught sight of someone oh so familiar.

Raven was leaning against the wall outside, looking flushed and cold, and Lexa found herself walking over without a second thought. Why, she didn’t know, but she had to. She just had to.

“You,” Raven grinned, upon seeing her, and Lexa stepped closer, curious, pleased Raven hadn’t told her to fuck off yet. “I hate you, so much,” Raven continued, still grinning.

“Oh?” Lexa asked, and Raven nodded once more.

“Yep. Hate your stupid face so much.” The smell of alcohol on her breath was clear, but she wasn’t drunk. She was tipsy, at best, all smiles and honesty and it made Lexa feel alive.

“Why’s that?” It was a dangerous question to ask, and Lexa probably didn’t want the answer, but yet she did.

“He left me,” Raven began, simply. “which, I had just been…I thought we were more than...” That train of thought seemed to stop, and Raven shook her head. “I needed someone, I needed him, I needed _you_ , and I didn’t have anyone.” She gripped her thigh as she spoke, and Lexa’s eyes glanced down, remembering what Anya had said _‘she has a prosthetic leg’_ and oh. “Where were you when I needed you? Where were you?”

Raven’s questions made Lexa’s chest ache, worse than what it had done for Costia, worse than the heartbreak, worse than anything she’d felt before.

In Lexa’s years of hiding, had she inadvertently missed her soulmate? Had she squandered three years of being together? Had she been so selfish as to cast Raven aside, when she could have been there for her?

The answer felt like a yes, but it was one she was never going to know.

All Lexa did know was never again; that was never going to happen again.

“I’m here now,” Lexa murmured, taking the hand Raven’s had gripped on her thigh, and entwining their fingers.

“Are you?” Raven asked, sounding so small, and Lexa nodded, full of conviction. “Are you really?”

They remained looking at one another, eyes fixed, before Raven broke contact, moving forward, pulling Lexa in, and kissing her, hard.

Raven nipped and bit at Lexa’s bottom lip, scraping her teeth across it after, and continued pulling Lexa’ closer. There was no space left between their bodies, but it still wasn’t enough.

Lexa tried to kiss back, she tried to keep pace, she tried to convey how sorry she was, how foolish she had been with each kiss.

It was rough, it was needy, it tasted bittersweet.

In the background, past the flash of pain from the bite, past the hardness of Raven’s kisses, there was that undercurrent, that pull, and Lexa finally understood what everyone spoke of.

She wouldn't be able to walk away now, even if she tried.

“Hey,” she murmured, breaking the kiss, seeing Raven’s angry tears, welling in her eyes. “I’m here. I’m really here,” Lexa repeating, trying to emphasize how true that statement was.

Lexa then closed the distance, kissing Raven softer than she had kissed Lexa, slowing, savouring it, cradling her face in her hands, and easing them into something that felt natural.

It wasn’t like kissing a stranger anymore. It was more like be welcomed back, coming home, finding your place in the world, and it was with one another.

They both got it, they both finally understood. Others might have had the perfect soulmate romance, the love at first sight, the instant devotion. Theirs, theirs was both pleasant and painful, that sting with that pleasure, that regret with that love.

Theirs was always going to be bittersweet, but looking into the other’s eyes, catching their breath between each kiss, they didn’t want it any other way.

*0*0*


End file.
